…in about four different voices. I think Neil Young is my favorite. “In the land of the free and the home of the brave [hair flip].”
“And finally, I would like to hear Mr. Bob Dylan do the National Anthem. Kids, you have no idea who that is. I don’t care.”
“Okay, now hold up your phone, and you can just look natural … okay, and maybe you want to soften a little. Okay, a little more. Okay, um, maybe a LOT more…”
(Note: One roundabout reference to the prospective First Dude’s misdemeanors. Nothing explicit.)
Okay everyone, I’m counting on you. Here is the album cover for Freedom, the latest solo record by Gaither Vocal Band tenor David Phelps. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to come up with an awesome caption for this manifestly ridiculous photo.
Here’s mine: “Iiiiiiiit’s Friday, Friday, gotta get down on Friday!”
“Oh, technical problems?”
What is this mysterious thing inside the magic box that transforms ideas like “equality” and “peace” into… the exact opposite? Only Andrew Klavan has the answer, in a dazzling display of sleight-of-hand, legerdemain, and prestidi-di-di… sleight-of-hand.
Note: A couple of mildly rude terms.
I move that we raise the voting age back to 21.
No, scratch that. Let’s go all the way back to the days when you had to own property to vote. Yeah. I’m liking this idea.
Wow, quite an Oscar night this year, wasn’t it? The beautiful stars parading down the red carpet, while you ignored them because they’re mostly ill-behaved louts who despise you, your country and everything you hold dear! The celebration of the cinematic arts (and their steady decline since 1939)! Well, just to keep the mood going, here’s Andrew Klavan discussing some movies that weren’t nominated for any Oscars this year, for the simple reason that they’ve never been made. I can’t think why. Though to be fair, this video is actually a few years old, and there were some bright spots in 2015’s Oscar lineup, including Clint Eastwood’s American Sniper (Klavan-approved and reviewed by me here). I also enjoyed a smattering of the other Best Picture nominees and was truly moved by some Oscar-worthy performances. (If you haven’t checked out Best Actor winner Eddie Redmayne as Stephen Hawking in The Theory of Everything, he is really phenomenal.) But still, Andrew is not far off the mark.
“She just swallowed a little jewelry! It’s all right! Enjoy your dinner!”